Knife

In about 10 hours (11:45 am, my time), I go under the knife. Minor surgery (oxymoron if ever there was one) to fix my lower legs, left shoulder and possibly my left wrist. Not a big deal, but I'm a little nervous. I'm certain all will be well, but still, I've got a little bit of a hinky feeling...
Ghah!
Fuck it: wish me good luck if you read this prior to the event and speedy recover if it is after the fact.
And if you never read it: well, OK then.
Pax,
Nelson

Gonna eat some turkey? I am!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, and every day, I am thankful for my family, health, liberty, freedom, our great country, love and you.

By the way, child number two will also be a boy! Yay!

Pax,
Nelson

Young gods

Willful, whimsical, free to imagine, free of care, free of responsibility, accountable to no one, unaware of obligation or loyalty or honor or the future, heedless of the past, one with the moment, perfectly beautiful, perfectly open, perfectly cruel, perfect in every good and bad way and unaware of every good and bad way, a young child is like a god, beyond human understanding or knowledge and unaware of either. His world is now and now and now.

And like a god, the love of a child is perfect: unconditional, freely given and eternal in his eyes.

We cannot abide that perfection and must teach our children how to live in this, our world. It will soon enough be theirs and they will have need of what knowledge we can give and to know how to take care of this sudden present and future world and how to take care of and love each other. And so, they will come come to know perfection when comes the time their children are new.

Thoughts?

Pax,

Nelson

Today 11/18/2007

Today I have accomplished as close to nothing as is possible for me. I had intended to paint the shower in the bathroom. Didn't do it. I had intended to go to the store and buy some needed groceries. Didn't do it. I had thought to mow/mulch the leaves in our yard. Didn't do it. I had intended to vacuum the living room rug, because it's nasty. Didn't do it. I had intended to do at least one load of laundry. Didn't do it. I had planned to practice playing my guitars. Didn't do it.

I had a rough night last night and little restful sleep. I had an all-day-sucker bitch of a headache today, which did not subside until around 7:00 or so And no, sadly, it wasn't a hangover. I almost wish it had been.

I did manage to shave and shower and change clothes, although I never did get dressed enough to go outside. I fed the cats and the fish. I messed around with Mozilla's Thunderbird on the laptop, trying to get it set up the way I wanted it (which was how my MS Outlook was set up). Almost got it, too. Ate lunch and watched the TV for awhile, caught up on a couple of shows I had recorded. Came up to my main PC and searched the Internet for the little rubber pads that go on the CPU to keep the cooling fan assembly from cracking the chip. Apparently, AMD is the only chip maker that uses these things. Never did find the damn pads. Spent nigh on to three hours looking for them.

Started this blog at 7:30 or so and quit for awhile when my family returned from a day out at GrammaHaus. It's now 10 before midnight and I'm almost done with it. I reckon I should go to bed, but I don't want to go just yet.

OK, now I'm done with it.

Thoughts?

Pax,

Nelson

Mortal after all

I've got some surgery coming up real soon and I'm a little nervous about it. It is not really major surgery, but several minor ones rolled into one visit. With any luck, my lower legs will be fixed and I can enjoy walking again. Also, my left shoulder will be fixed and I can enjoy moving it again. If he (my surgeon) decides to do (repair the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) my left wrist , I should be able to play the guitar for longer than 30 minutes at a time with no pain.

All of the above should/will improve the quality of my life tremendously. Might even improve my mood.

What I'm nervous about is nothing specific. It is just a vague sense of unease about the whole affair. It's going to be done on an outpatient basis, but they will be putting me under anesthesia. So I'll be unable to breathe on my own for a while, but I will be unconscious and I think that's probably a good thing. Because he will be cutting into me in several different places and it's good that I won't be seeing or, more importantly, feeling that.

So what's to worry?

I worry that my chart might get mixed up with someone else's and maybe I'll lose a leg or something. I'm worried that maybe it won't work and I'll be even more messed up than I was before. I'm worried about not having any degree of control over myself and my immediate surroundings. I'm worried about basically being dead there on the table for a while and totally at the mercy of complete strangers. I know in my mind that none of the above is likely to happen or to be a bad thing, but still...

I've had surgery before with this same surgeon. I have no doubt but that he will do a fine job. He always has.

So I shouldn't worry. Right? Right. Yeah...

I'll let you know how it turns out after the 27th of this month.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Thoughts about the "N" word

I was reading A Nigger Primer over on Transmyth and was planning a short response of general agreement with what was being said. Instead, I found myself writing a much longer response and decided it might make for a good posting of my own.

I strongly suggest you read his original post as well.

SO, with the permission of the Transmyth blog owner, here it is:

Thank-you for this thoughtful, historical and insightful post.

There are several points (maybe not points actually, more like observations and personal revelations) I'd like to make concerning this topic.

I grew up in central Virginia. When I was born, segregation was still the order of the day. I do not recall encountering another child of a different color from my own until about 5th or sixth grade, when enforced busing was introduced in my city. By that time, my prejudices, such as they were, were pretty much in place. I was not raised to believe that blacks were inferior to whites, just that they were 'different' from whites. I believe my parents at that time would not have considered themselves to be racists. In retrospect, many of theirs views (which were passed on to me) were racist. Still, as a child, I had no real animosity towards blacks that I recall. One of my fondest childhood memories is of a lovely woman who worked for my parents as a maid. She also helped raise me and I loved her dearly. I could no more have associated the word nigger with her than I could have with my own mother.

I was also raised to believe that nigger was a bad word and was not to be used in polite or any other kind of conversation.

Of course, I heard it.

Desegregation went relatively smoothly in my city. I recall no race riots or armed enforcements or anything along those lines. Of course, there were individual conflicts as might be expected with any culture clash, but even they were no more than schoolyard scuffles.

It wasn't until high school that I became a conscious, practicing racist. And when I did so, it was because I wanted to fit in with my friends. That is not an excuse, just a fact. In retrospect, I wish I had had the courage to stand up to them and tell them that what we were doing and thinking and saying was wrong (as I knew it to be), but I did not. Peer pressure is what it is. My attitudes, prejudices and actions at that time are still some of my deepest regrets.

Back to topic: nigger is not a word to be used. I don't think it should be forgotten, because the historical facts from which it derived should not be forgotten, but I don't think it should be feared either. We all must learn from the past, lest we repeat our mistakes. Through knowledge may come understanding. From understanding may come a dispersal of fear. I believe fear is what underlies and drives forward prejudice. Continued use of 'nigger' or any other racial terms in any but an historical perspective does nothing but drive fear and push people apart.

My son is in a daycare program with children of different races. As far as I know, he has no concept of that difference in a negative light. I hope he never does, but I know that is probably an unrealistic hope. When the time comes when I must teach my children about words like nigger, cracker, spic, chink, etc., I plan to teach them the history behind the words and exactly why should not be used when referring to other people. I'm going to do my best not to perpetuate racism in my children, even as I continue to expunge it from myself. I look forward to the day when we can all look back at our prejudices and the times when we identified ourselves by race or ethnic background and know that we never need do that again. I look forward to the day when tolerance and acceptance no longer need to be practiced in terms of race (or faith, for that matter) because the need for them no longer exists. I doubt I will see that day in my lifetime, but I continue to hope and work towards it anyway.

For now and for the record, I'm an English Scottish Germanic Cherokee American. Well, actually, I was born in The United States of America, so I'm an American of English, Scottish, Germanic, Cherokee descent. Oh, and I'm Caucasian and my skin shade varies with the amount of sun to which I am exposed.

Nigger: remember, do not fear.

Thanks again to Anjuan of Transmyth.com.

Any thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson