Crystal

Have you ever had one of those moments of absolutely perfect clarity? I'm talking about one of those moments when every single component combines and nothing could possibly improve it. It is as if a crystal is struck with a tiny silver hammer and a chime sounds and the whole world freezes in that instant. You will remember that chime and that instant for the rest of your life (may it be long and prosperous).

I heard that chime this morning.

The boys were loaded into the back of my car and all seat belts were fastened. As I usually do, I called out to them from the driver's seat, "OK everybody ready? Seat belts fastened, headlights on and doors locked?"

My 8 month old son made a noise like this, "aaaAAAAEEEaaa!"
My 5 year old son exclaimed, "YES SIR!"

I said, "OK!" and put the car in reverse. I turned around to see where I was going, hit the gas and said, "OK! Here we GO!"

At that moment, the first guitar licks to The Eagles' "Take it Easy" kicked in and it was CRANKED. My five year old son's eyes popped wide open. His face lit up in wonder and pleasure and amazement. He had never heard the song before and he LOVED IT! His little brother gurgled with pleasure! Total joy flashed through me: tears came to my eyes (and stayed there all the way to Day Care). I turned around, put the car in Drive and we were off!

Frozen in my mind was a link between now and when I first heard that song, about thirty years ago. "Take it Easy" is one of the best driving songs I have ever experienced. I say experienced and not heard, because I don't just hear that song when I drive. The song becomes a part of the whole driving experience from the sole of my foot on the gas pedal, to my tailbone pressing against the seat as I accelerate, to my hands lightly but firmly gripping the steering wheel. I am ONE with the car, the road, the planet, maybe even God. And this morning, I was again ONE with all of that and my sons. It was a moment I will never forget.

Driving, like life, should be about traveling and the journey, not the destination. Today, we traveled.

I hope you hear that crystalline chime at least once in your life. I truly do.

May your life be a journey and not just a way to a destination.


Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Ha ha ha!

OK, I crack myself up sometimes. I ordered some meds online this morning, because I was going to run out of certain ones fairly soon. No problem there; all was well.

A little later in the day, while I was filling up my pill boxes I thought to myself,
'If my anti-depressants don't get here in time, I'll be sad.'

I had a nice long laugh.

I am grateful for modern technology, the use of which allows me to share this moment with the world at large and with you, my favorite readers!

Thoughts?


Pax,
Nelson

Maybe

I'm sleeping, on average, about four hours a night. Getting up with the baby for night time feedings is hard on a body. I do it almost all the time now, because L has to be alert for work and, since I don't work, I'm the most logical choice for night feedings. The thing is, I can't sleep during the day. I'm not sure why. Maybe feeling guilty for not doing all the things that need to be done around the house? Probably. Lately, I have not been able to get much of anything done around the house, I can't seem to get motivated. Or even get started.

-internal dialog-

You don't need motivation: just do it!

Yeah, like that's gonna work.

If I could, I would.

If I could just get started on something. Anything.

-end I.D.-

The computer is a sweet lure and I have lost hours of life just surfing the damn web. I need to lay off from the computer for awhile. The difficulty there is that I often enjoy working on it. I like what I'm able to create, when I create something. When I'm 'working' on the computer, I feel like I'm doing something, you know? Something worthwhile is happening and therefore I have reason to keep doing it: I am self-validating by being a productive, contributory member of society. Except, surfing the web is not really creative or important and I'm not accomplishing anything at all really. Just pushing ones and zeros around, but I'm not even doing that when I'm surfing. Sometimes, I just surf for no reason: just need to be on the web.

I've 'met' some really neat people out there in cyberspace: good people, who like me and value me. But they are not going to raise my children or pay my bills. If I died tomorrow, most (not all) would be unlikely to notice I was gone, unlike my real time friends and family. I would have little effect on their lives.

Maybe I'll buy a kitchen timer or something to help me minimize regulate my time on the web.

Maybe I'll find a way to get more sleep.

Maybe my next post will be more coherent.

Maybe I'll write something about long term sleep deprivation.

Maybe I'll find a job.

Maybe I'll do something.

Maybe.

Thoughts?