OK.
So my therapist has suggested to me a couple of times that it might be OK to skip a session. Should I be concerned? No. It is a good thing.
I've got the Wireless PCI adapters for my desktops. I may put one of them in tonight. I should have both completed by tomorrow night and then maybe all three machines will be able to talk to each other. My secondary desktop has been cut off from the Internet since Thursday and I think it may be lonely.
Thank-you Shane for your suggestions. I was able to get into the router, but was still unable to get to the laptop from the PC or vice versa.
I've been staying awake too late of late and I should stop it. I need to be awake during the day. Staying up all night is not conducive to that end. (Who talks like that? 'Conducive to that end' How completely pretentious.) It's not that I really don't want to go to bed. In fact, when I'm able to sleep, I really enjoy sleeping. I love sleeping next to my lovely wife and listening to the gentle rhythms of her breathing as I fall asleep. Having her there lying by my side is wonderful.
So that is not it, although I thought maybe it was for a good long while.
I think maybe it's that I want to be awake when no one else is. The feeling I get when all around me are asleep and hopefully dreaming sweet dreams is one of contentment. I'm there keeping watch in the night as my family sleeps on.
Darkness appeals to me. There is a safety and a surety and even a hint of secrecy in the darkness and solitude that is simply unavailable when the sun is shining. I may be delusional but I feel that there is a society of lonely insomniacs out there in the dark with which I feel a kinship; maybe even a bond. We're each out here in our own quiet little micro-verse, spinning silently in the dark. Aware of each other, yet unable to make contact. It's like being in a secret club where no one actually knows anyone else, but all share a common bond.
Wait that sounds like a terrorist cell. Nooo.
One true terror for me is being completely alone. More on that later.
Or maybe I just don't want to miss anything.
Thoughts?
Pax,
Nelson
Monday, June 18, 2007
What was that?
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3 comments:
very VERY interesting points about the "addicted to darkness" thing. I have myself had to accept that I am addicted to the solitude and unforgiving nature of the darkness. The sad truth is (for me anyway) that i cannot accept the serenity that can come from accepting, warm, forgiving reality of the light. I prefer to suffer and have something to bitch about rather than accept the lovely life i've managed to amass for myself. So the only advice i have would be to accept that you are the way you are, and use the positive influences in your life to help keep you in the "light" as it were. ;o) as for your computers not talking, your going to need to set up a share on each computer and then make sure you tweak the security to allow you to access them both. if you need some more detailed help just email me!
Well thought out answer: I can see I've reached a kindred spirit. I too have a hard time accepting the good things that have been given to me and that I may have earned... "I'm not worthy!" if I may borrow from Saturday Night Live. I truly feel that way sometimes. Lots of times. And so, I embrace the darkness.
Anyway, that's one of the things I'm getting help about.
As for the electro-critters, I'd like very much to email you for further help and discussion with them but I don't think I have your email address.
A mutual blogger friend of ours has mine and has my permission and request to share it with you.
Glad you stopped by.
Pax,
Nelson
I just tried emailing you at the address listed on you're profile. i hope its the right one. otherwise ill just get with Shane or Ro and we'll get you squared away!
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