Today 11/18/2007

Today I have accomplished as close to nothing as is possible for me. I had intended to paint the shower in the bathroom. Didn't do it. I had intended to go to the store and buy some needed groceries. Didn't do it. I had thought to mow/mulch the leaves in our yard. Didn't do it. I had intended to vacuum the living room rug, because it's nasty. Didn't do it. I had intended to do at least one load of laundry. Didn't do it. I had planned to practice playing my guitars. Didn't do it.

I had a rough night last night and little restful sleep. I had an all-day-sucker bitch of a headache today, which did not subside until around 7:00 or so And no, sadly, it wasn't a hangover. I almost wish it had been.

I did manage to shave and shower and change clothes, although I never did get dressed enough to go outside. I fed the cats and the fish. I messed around with Mozilla's Thunderbird on the laptop, trying to get it set up the way I wanted it (which was how my MS Outlook was set up). Almost got it, too. Ate lunch and watched the TV for awhile, caught up on a couple of shows I had recorded. Came up to my main PC and searched the Internet for the little rubber pads that go on the CPU to keep the cooling fan assembly from cracking the chip. Apparently, AMD is the only chip maker that uses these things. Never did find the damn pads. Spent nigh on to three hours looking for them.

Started this blog at 7:30 or so and quit for awhile when my family returned from a day out at GrammaHaus. It's now 10 before midnight and I'm almost done with it. I reckon I should go to bed, but I don't want to go just yet.

OK, now I'm done with it.

Thoughts?

Pax,

Nelson

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I was involved in a chat not long ago with my blogging mentor, Ro the wise and mighty, not too long ago (this morning actually) and we were discussing the nature and qualities of LOVE.

The less romantically inclined of you may wish to turn elsewhere at this point. May I suggest a nice porno spot? Never mind, I'm sure you can find one yourself.) ;-)

We were discussing in particular the differences between love for one's mate and love for one's child. We thought at first that they were the same, then similar, then different but no less intense.

Our chat made me remember a posting over on Ro's site which I'll let you read at your leisure. It deals primarily with the love a couple feels for each other and how that love can help when times are bad. Many good points on that posting and I hope you'll read it.

I just went in to check on my son; he's asleep and peaceful. I do this nearly every night and I couldn't sleep well without it, I think.

He's gotten so he doesn't much care for his night lights anymore and has even unplugged one of them. He has moved a no-longer-needed changing table sort of in front of the remaining night light, so that there is only a faint blue glow in his room. I stand there, my son coming into focus from out of the darkness. As he takes shape and solidity back from the night, I am nearly overcome, as I am almost every night, with love for him. My heart aches and tears swell in my eyes: I love him so very much.

My boy. My son. All grown up at age three. I want so much for him and I know I'll never be more than adequate to meet his needs and sometimes not even that. There may be hard times in our future; we already have a clash of wills every once in a while (my wife says this is because we are much alike) and that is OK. That is good and as it should be.

But as I stand there in the darkness, that moment of clarity comes over me again. That perfect knowledge that this child, our child, my son, is right and true and wise and wonderful and perfect is the love I feel for him.

I have many doubts. Quite a few of them involve God and faith. When I'm there alone with my boy, my doubts are lessened and my faith is a little more sound. That's not what this post is about, but I want you to get the idea of the immensity and deep profundity; the simple, sweet purity of this particular kind of love.

I guess that's about all I have to say tonight.

Pax,
Nelson