Ha ha ha!

OK, I crack myself up sometimes. I ordered some meds online this morning, because I was going to run out of certain ones fairly soon. No problem there; all was well.

A little later in the day, while I was filling up my pill boxes I thought to myself,
'If my anti-depressants don't get here in time, I'll be sad.'

I had a nice long laugh.

I am grateful for modern technology, the use of which allows me to share this moment with the world at large and with you, my favorite readers!

Thoughts?


Pax,
Nelson

Maybe

I'm sleeping, on average, about four hours a night. Getting up with the baby for night time feedings is hard on a body. I do it almost all the time now, because L has to be alert for work and, since I don't work, I'm the most logical choice for night feedings. The thing is, I can't sleep during the day. I'm not sure why. Maybe feeling guilty for not doing all the things that need to be done around the house? Probably. Lately, I have not been able to get much of anything done around the house, I can't seem to get motivated. Or even get started.

-internal dialog-

You don't need motivation: just do it!

Yeah, like that's gonna work.

If I could, I would.

If I could just get started on something. Anything.

-end I.D.-

The computer is a sweet lure and I have lost hours of life just surfing the damn web. I need to lay off from the computer for awhile. The difficulty there is that I often enjoy working on it. I like what I'm able to create, when I create something. When I'm 'working' on the computer, I feel like I'm doing something, you know? Something worthwhile is happening and therefore I have reason to keep doing it: I am self-validating by being a productive, contributory member of society. Except, surfing the web is not really creative or important and I'm not accomplishing anything at all really. Just pushing ones and zeros around, but I'm not even doing that when I'm surfing. Sometimes, I just surf for no reason: just need to be on the web.

I've 'met' some really neat people out there in cyberspace: good people, who like me and value me. But they are not going to raise my children or pay my bills. If I died tomorrow, most (not all) would be unlikely to notice I was gone, unlike my real time friends and family. I would have little effect on their lives.

Maybe I'll buy a kitchen timer or something to help me minimize regulate my time on the web.

Maybe I'll find a way to get more sleep.

Maybe my next post will be more coherent.

Maybe I'll write something about long term sleep deprivation.

Maybe I'll find a job.

Maybe I'll do something.

Maybe.

Thoughts?