Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Smokin'!

I don't know if you smoke or not. If you don't, more power to you. If you do, I hope you'll be able to quit someday soon. I can tell you it is not easy, but it can be done. I've been smoke free since 1/1/2000. Prior to that, I had smoked for over 20 years.

Nothing to do with today's post.

What today's post is about is trying to make public gathering areas smoke-free. I'm not into government regulation for much of anything, but in this case, I'll make an exception. That's because many smokers will not voluntarily stop smoking in public places. Don't misunderstand; I have no problem with smokers doing their thing in their own homes. But don't make me gag and make my wife physically ill while standing in line at the movie theatre.

Anyway, if you'd like to help us here in Virginia, please visit this link and do what you feel best. That link is primarily for Virginia. To learn how you can help in your area/state with the smoking issue and many other things from the heart, please visit The American Heart Association.

You'll feel good and you might make this world a little bit better for all of us.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Friday, December 14, 2007

Celebrity look-a-likes for moi

OK. They came back with 8 women and 2 men. I could only pick eight people, so here we go.



Any thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Knife

In about 10 hours (11:45 am, my time), I go under the knife. Minor surgery (oxymoron if ever there was one) to fix my lower legs, left shoulder and possibly my left wrist. Not a big deal, but I'm a little nervous. I'm certain all will be well, but still, I've got a little bit of a hinky feeling...
Ghah!
Fuck it: wish me good luck if you read this prior to the event and speedy recover if it is after the fact.
And if you never read it: well, OK then.
Pax,
Nelson

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Gonna eat some turkey? I am!

Happy Thanksgiving!


Today, and every day, I am thankful for my family, health, liberty, freedom, our great country, love and you.

By the way, child number two will also be a boy! Yay!

Pax,
Nelson

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Young gods

Willful, whimsical, free to imagine, free of care, free of responsibility, accountable to no one, unaware of obligation or loyalty or honor or the future, heedless of the past, one with the moment, perfectly beautiful, perfectly open, perfectly cruel, perfect in every good and bad way and unaware of every good and bad way, a young child is like a god, beyond human understanding or knowledge and unaware of either. His world is now and now and now.


And like a god, the love of a child is perfect: unconditional, freely given and eternal in his eyes.


We cannot abide that perfection and must teach our children how to live in this, our world. It will soon enough be theirs and they will have need of what knowledge we can give and to know how to take care of this sudden present and future world and how to take care of and love each other. And so, they will come come to know perfection when comes the time their children are new.


Thoughts?


Pax,

Nelson

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Today 11/18/2007

Today I have accomplished as close to nothing as is possible for me. I had intended to paint the shower in the bathroom. Didn't do it. I had intended to go to the store and buy some needed groceries. Didn't do it. I had thought to mow/mulch the leaves in our yard. Didn't do it. I had intended to vacuum the living room rug, because it's nasty. Didn't do it. I had intended to do at least one load of laundry. Didn't do it. I had planned to practice playing my guitars. Didn't do it.


I had a rough night last night and little restful sleep. I had an all-day-sucker bitch of a headache today, which did not subside until around 7:00 or so And no, sadly, it wasn't a hangover. I almost wish it had been.


I did manage to shave and shower and change clothes, although I never did get dressed enough to go outside. I fed the cats and the fish. I messed around with Mozilla's Thunderbird on the laptop, trying to get it set up the way I wanted it (which was how my MS Outlook was set up). Almost got it, too. Ate lunch and watched the TV for awhile, caught up on a couple of shows I had recorded. Came up to my main PC and searched the Internet for the little rubber pads that go on the CPU to keep the cooling fan assembly from cracking the chip. Apparently, AMD is the only chip maker that uses these things. Never did find the damn pads. Spent nigh on to three hours looking for them.


Started this blog at 7:30 or so and quit for awhile when my family returned from a day out at GrammaHaus. It's now 10 before midnight and I'm almost done with it. I reckon I should go to bed, but I don't want to go just yet.


OK, now I'm done with it.


Thoughts?


Pax,

Nelson

Monday, November 12, 2007

Mortal after all

I've got some surgery coming up real soon and I'm a little nervous about it. It is not really major surgery, but several minor ones rolled into one visit. With any luck, my lower legs will be fixed and I can enjoy walking again. Also, my left shoulder will be fixed and I can enjoy moving it again. If he (my surgeon) decides to do (repair the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) my left wrist , I should be able to play the guitar for longer than 30 minutes at a time with no pain.

All of the above should/will improve the quality of my life tremendously. Might even improve my mood.

What I'm nervous about is nothing specific. It is just a vague sense of unease about the whole affair. It's going to be done on an outpatient basis, but they will be putting me under anesthesia. So I'll be unable to breathe on my own for a while, but I will be unconscious and I think that's probably a good thing. Because he will be cutting into me in several different places and it's good that I won't be seeing or, more importantly, feeling that.

So what's to worry?

I worry that my chart might get mixed up with someone else's and maybe I'll lose a leg or something. I'm worried that maybe it won't work and I'll be even more messed up than I was before. I'm worried about not having any degree of control over myself and my immediate surroundings. I'm worried about basically being dead there on the table for a while and totally at the mercy of complete strangers. I know in my mind that none of the above is likely to happen or to be a bad thing, but still...

I've had surgery before with this same surgeon. I have no doubt but that he will do a fine job. He always has.

So I shouldn't worry. Right? Right. Yeah...

I'll let you know how it turns out after the 27th of this month.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Monday, November 5, 2007

Thoughts about the "N" word

I was reading A Nigger Primer over on Transmyth and was planning a short response of general agreement with what was being said. Instead, I found myself writing a much longer response and decided it might make for a good posting of my own.

I strongly suggest you read his original post as well.

SO, with the permission of the Transmyth blog owner, here it is:

Thank-you for this thoughtful, historical and insightful post.

There are several points (maybe not points actually, more like observations and personal revelations) I'd like to make concerning this topic.

I grew up in central Virginia. When I was born, segregation was still the order of the day. I do not recall encountering another child of a different color from my own until about 5th or sixth grade, when enforced busing was introduced in my city. By that time, my prejudices, such as they were, were pretty much in place. I was not raised to believe that blacks were inferior to whites, just that they were 'different' from whites. I believe my parents at that time would not have considered themselves to be racists. In retrospect, many of theirs views (which were passed on to me) were racist. Still, as a child, I had no real animosity towards blacks that I recall. One of my fondest childhood memories is of a lovely woman who worked for my parents as a maid. She also helped raise me and I loved her dearly. I could no more have associated the word nigger with her than I could have with my own mother.

I was also raised to believe that nigger was a bad word and was not to be used in polite or any other kind of conversation.

Of course, I heard it.

Desegregation went relatively smoothly in my city. I recall no race riots or armed enforcements or anything along those lines. Of course, there were individual conflicts as might be expected with any culture clash, but even they were no more than schoolyard scuffles.

It wasn't until high school that I became a conscious, practicing racist. And when I did so, it was because I wanted to fit in with my friends. That is not an excuse, just a fact. In retrospect, I wish I had had the courage to stand up to them and tell them that what we were doing and thinking and saying was wrong (as I knew it to be), but I did not. Peer pressure is what it is. My attitudes, prejudices and actions at that time are still some of my deepest regrets.

Back to topic: nigger is not a word to be used. I don't think it should be forgotten, because the historical facts from which it derived should not be forgotten, but I don't think it should be feared either. We all must learn from the past, lest we repeat our mistakes. Through knowledge may come understanding. From understanding may come a dispersal of fear. I believe fear is what underlies and drives forward prejudice. Continued use of 'nigger' or any other racial terms in any but an historical perspective does nothing but drive fear and push people apart.

My son is in a daycare program with children of different races. As far as I know, he has no concept of that difference in a negative light. I hope he never does, but I know that is probably an unrealistic hope. When the time comes when I must teach my children about words like nigger, cracker, spic, chink, etc., I plan to teach them the history behind the words and exactly why should not be used when referring to other people. I'm going to do my best not to perpetuate racism in my children, even as I continue to expunge it from myself. I look forward to the day when we can all look back at our prejudices and the times when we identified ourselves by race or ethnic background and know that we never need do that again. I look forward to the day when tolerance and acceptance no longer need to be practiced in terms of race (or faith, for that matter) because the need for them no longer exists. I doubt I will see that day in my lifetime, but I continue to hope and work towards it anyway.

For now and for the record, I'm an English Scottish Germanic Cherokee American. Well, actually, I was born in The United States of America, so I'm an American of English, Scottish, Germanic, Cherokee descent. Oh, and I'm Caucasian and my skin shade varies with the amount of sun to which I am exposed.

Nigger: remember, do not fear.

Thanks again to Anjuan of Transmyth.com.

Any thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Mean people suck

I just read a reminder article from ZDNet news (picked up from from Reuters) about yet another malicious attack on the unsuspecting computer public. This one involves the Adobe Portable Document Format. You can read more about that here and here (and lots of other places, I'm sure), if you wish. You can get the latest version of Acrobat Reader® containing the update from Adobe.

Dammit.

Maybe I'm naive or something, but I sure do wish people would quit trying to mess up other people's computers. I don't understand the impulse that drives people to be malicious towards each other. I've tried to understand it, I really have. But I can't.

I know: "Why can't we all just get along?" (This quotation, by the way, is mistakenly attributed to Rodney King. However, what he really said, in the wake of the 1992 Los Angeles riots, was "People, I just want to say, you know, can we all get along?" The closest I've found so far is from the movie Mars Attacks. Funny movie, but I digress.)

Can anyone explain to me why we're so damn mean to each other? I feel sad every time I think about it. If we were truly nice to each other, wouldn't this be a better world?

Any thoughts?

Monday, October 15, 2007

A few thoughts for this week

My son is outside playing in our yard. I'm trying to think of what to write for my blog and I'm not having much luck. We are waiting for my sister and her children to come over. She has come in town to deliver some boxes at out father's house, hopeful that I will fill them up with stuff. We've made no progress recently on closing the house. We should probably get to that. He has been dead for a year and a half. Neither of us seems inclined, however...

It's hard, really hard, losing your last parent. We, or at least I, continue to have a hard time with it. I think our putting off dealing with the house is one way to deny dealing with his death and the total end of our childhood. There will never again be anyone we can turn to for parental advice. Ever. Granted, we're both in our forties and rarely need that kind of advice, but it was always there for us. Now it is not. So there is that.

Also, my father and I have (had) a complicated history. There was lots of good between us, but also lots of bad. I've been trying to forgive him for all the bad and myself for the guilt I have for admitting the badness. I think I've largely managed to forgive him, but not myself. Therapy is helping with that, but it is as always, ultimately up to me. In any case, I can't tell him anything about it anymore anyway. So what does it matter? Well, I guess what would matter is that I might finally be able to get on with my life without the overwhelming sense of depression and guilt. That is the ultimate goal and getting through the issues with my Daddy is a step in that direction. I owe it to him, but mostly to myself, to move on. I am a good man, I am a good father, I am going to be capable of believing that someday. I am.

Other news: Our pregnancy moves along as well as it should. L. is moving out of the phase where she is tired all the time and is starting to enjoy things a bit more now. We will be able to determine what flavor we're getting this time in late November. Each couple has different views on this, but we definitely want to know. It helps to plan for the baby much better, if you know what you're getting. I'll let you know when we know.

Speaking of impending babies, many of you already know that my friend Ludie is gonna be a Daddy himself. Congratulations once again, Ludie & Sarah! You've begun a wonderful journey and I know that for a person who likes to drive as much as you do, you're gonna love this trip!

I think that's probably enough for now. I've written this blog using Google Docs and I want to see how well it copies over. (Turns out I had to redo the links and the font I chose didn't survive the transition. I think it had more to do with my unfamiliarity with the program than anything else. It's still pretty cool.) I'm trying to supply a link for you, but I don't seem able to get there without accessing my own docs. If this one doesn't work right, you can do a Google search and find your way there, if you're interested, I'm sure.

Thoughts?

Friday, September 7, 2007

Internet Explorer 7 ticks

I'll tell you what: I get damn tired of this popping up in my IE7 browser window at random intervals. I infinitely prefer going to the home page of my choosing and when Microsoft 'hijacks' its own browser out from under me, it ticks me off. I mean, I don't hold it against them for advertising their stuff, but I've already got the damned thing. You'd think they'd give it a rest once a body installs it. And, I have to admit, it's pretty nifty, but Firefox with its add-ons and extensions stole most of the thunder way long ago. And don't let's forget Opera and Grandaddy Netscape. They've both had tricks that IE7 is catching up to.

OK, enough with that. IE7, I like what you are, I downloaded it, so quit selling it to me already! I use Firefox most of the time anyway.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Monday, September 3, 2007

Labor Day 2007

Sometimes, it's good to just start typing and see what happens. Today, I washed a few dishes, futzed around on the computer (a lot), Spent a little time with my son and an even smaller amount of time with my dear, very tolerant wife (who is pregnant with our second child). I wanted to spend more time with each, but I did not.

I have no job. I have no desire for a job (not true). I have no immediate need for a job (growing less true daily) and I have no real qualifications outside what I was doing with **** (not entirely true). The ability (ies) I supposedly posses are drawn up short by other disabilities. I want to play my guitar (and banjo) and get better at it. I cannot play longer than an hour, sometimes hour and a half, without pain and numbness in my left hand. I want to write more, but I have a hard time getting started and organizing my thoughts. I want to get closer to people, but I have a need to be alone much of the time. And I'm lonely during some of that time, but resent company. I want to get into better physical shape. I can't walk or (as I found out [to my embarrassment] this weekend) dance. I can ride a bike and I can swim, so I'm glad of that.

Some impediments I cannot remove. The personal and physical which seem to grow in number with each passing week, I can do little to reverse. Those external impediments to progress which I can remove seem to reveal other impediments dependent upon others, dependent upon still more until, in thinking of all this, I become stagnant.


I'm now trying to think of a word similar to stagnant which conveys a slightly different, yet more accurate meaning. Instead of leaving it alone and checking it later after my thoughts have all run their course, I'm checking on line to see if there is a Plugin Thesaurus for OpenOffice Writer (the word processor program I'm using to type this whatever-it-is). I can't find one, but I do find mention of the fact that there is one somewhere within the program. Turns out, there's one in here after all: I just had to hunt a little further. Unfortunately, a better, more accurate word eluded me whilst using the built in Thesaurus so I'm going to have to think some more.


Static: I become static. I have so many possibilities that I might choose, I am frozen in a moment not of time but of indecision. Dead in the water. I am unable to choose a starting point and as a result unable to accomplish anything. This has been a repeating pattern (with few exceptions) for my whole life.

So what can I do? I'm seemingly self-screwed and zipped up tight. A-quiver with indecision, stand (or sit) I.


The trick (and it doesn't always work) is for me to go find something different to do. Instead of wasting life worrying about where to start, a particular job, go find another one to work on, one that I can begin with no difficulty. If I can't finish it in one sitting, that's OK: I still have the other thing which may not be so insurmountable this time when I try it. However, I've got to come back and finish what I started eventually. When I finally finish one of the tasks I've begun, there's that all-too-brief feeling of satisfaction which gives way to the depression of being done and having to find something else to do. Yeah, I get that, too. I have not answer for that one yet, other than having something at hand to begin. And sometimes that won't work either.


Turns out, I can't help this behavior: it's the way I'm wired. I am one of a small percentage of the population who suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. I did not know this prior to a year ago. I learned about it through counseling with a therapist. The behavior, will very likely not change, but since I'm aware of the condition, living with it is may be a little bit easier.


Why should you care? Good question. Maybe you recognize some of these behaviors in other people you know who, at first glance, seem to be lazy and aimless. Maybe not. Maybe you recognize them in yourself. Maybe not.

If so, cut that person (or yourself) a little slack. If you feel like you know them well enough, tell them about ADD. Maybe they'll check up on it: maybe they won't.

There's also a variation on this theme: AD/HD – Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder. I don't suffer from the hyperactivity part.

I seem to have lost the point here of the posting. So that's a good time to stop.

Anyway, if you want, you can find out more about ADD AD/HD. This website will give you a lot more information and, hopefully, understanding.

Thoughts?


Pax,

Nelson


Monday, August 13, 2007

Quote of the day

"Never moon a werewolf."

two sources:
Mike Binder quotes
and
title of a short story by Barbara Paul.
No clue who was first or if either of these were the originator.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Bike

I used to walk for exercise. Three times a week, I'd get out there and walk about 2 & 1/2 miles and count myself as doing the good thing.
Unfortunately, it hurt my legs to do that. Hurt them a LOT.
So I went to the doctor and it turns out I've got a relatively rare (for people in my demographic: i.e. middle-aged fat guys) condition called Chronic Exertional Compartment Syndrome. In a nutshell, it seems that our lower legs are made up of four compartments housing our muscles. When I walk for exercise, the muscles swell and build up fluid. Since the compartments are not elastic, they have no where to expand and they just get tighter and tighter. This ultimately hurts so bad I can scarcely stand it and eventually, if unrecognized and treated, it can cause nerve and tissue damage. Sometimes it is NOT good to 'work through the pain.'
I'm really very glad I went to my doctor.


The only treatment options are either surgery or a change of activity.

Guess which one I chose.

SO.

I went to get my old bicycle out and found, to my dismay, that it needed some major (read 'very expensive') work done to make it serviceable again. I was disheartened. I've had this bike since I was 14 (that's 32 years). Despite the deep emotional attachment I had for my old bike, it was time for a new one.

I got myself a 2007 Trek Navigator 2.0 and let me tell you people, it is a whole new world. Totally different ride from my old Azuki racing style bike. The feel and handling is completely different and it takes a little getting used to. The new one is also far more comfortable to ride.

This thing ROCKS!

This morning was my second ride on the bike trail. I rode over 6 miles today with no pain other than the normal exertion pain. I can't tell you how good it is to exercise without constant pain. I am certain I can go at least that far every time I ride which will be three times a week. Or maybe more!

Love my new bike. Don't know what to do with the old one yet: maybe I'll give it to Good Will with a note explaining that it will need some work. I am not sure, maybe I should just junk it.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Mood control

OK. I was in a really crappy mood this morning and then I saw this.

I felt a little better and I laughed.

I'm still in a crappy mood, but sometimes that's just the way it's going to be. Unfortunately, it's the way I'm wired. It helps me to know this. While knowing that this is just the way it's going to be sometimes does not make it all better by any means, it does help me cope and it allows me to function a little better.

Knowledge is neither a good nor bad thing: the use determines the morality.

Watch the video, if you want. I enjoyed it.

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Again?

We arrived home from a mini vacation two weeks ago on a Sunday evening. The weather was nice and cool for a change and it had been a good weekend spent with some of L's family (her cousin H. and her family). We had a great time with them and everybody had enjoyed it. Even the children had gotten along once they became accustomed to each other. H. has two girls, eight and five. Our son W. is three.

Really good time had by all.

During the drive home, L. had mentioned to me that she hadn't been feeling quite 'right' for the whole weekend; not bad necessarily but just not right. We'd been down south in the mountains of North Carolina (stunningly beautiful country, by the way) and I figured it might have something to do with the difference in altitudes. As it turns out, L. had other ideas about the cause, but chose to keep them to herself.

We get home and I'm helping get my son settled and I'm unloading the car and I'm generally futzing about with no great purpose (but fair intent) and I don't immediately notice L. has been gone for a while. Like many people, she often has to use the 'necessary' upon returning home from a trip and I figured that she had gone upstairs to do just that. I was partially right.

About the time I was beginning to wonder if all was well, L. comes back downstairs. She has with her a little white plastic thingie about four or five inches long and she also has a funny look in her eyes, kinda glazed and shining.

The little white plastic thingie has a little blue '+' sign on it. I'm not too bright after long periods of driving (or any other time for that matter) and it takes me a minute to figure things out. L. is the very picture of patience and waits for me to get it.


OK.


I get it.


WOW! We are going to have another baby!

This is truly wonderful news and I am happy. I'm also nearly scared witless. Both sentiments are quite true for my lovely wife as well. Maybe in different proportions, but true nonetheless.

That was how our weekend ended almost two weeks ago.

Now, not much has changed. We're both still thrilled and scared. It's kind of like riding on a roller coaster, the safety of which, you are none too sure. I am elated and nearly giddy at times and at other times I want to hide in a closet. We're beginning to get W. used to the idea that he will have a little sibling and so far, he's pretty cool about it.

I'd like to say something deep and profound and meaningful here, but I can't really think of anything. The biological miracle of conception and the life to which it leads is going to have to be deep and profound enough this time. I'm just blown away.

Thank-you God.


Thoughts?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Quote of the day

Quote of the Day - James Brown - "You only live once."

Ain't it the truth?

Thoughts?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Jumble

My morning was kind of messed up. This blog will also be kind of messed up and a little jumbled.
Fair warning.

My day started around 4:00 (which is kind of messed up already right there). More on that in a minute.
I had arranged yesterday to drop my car off with the mechanic to have the Air Conditioner checked out as it was acting wonky. Cooled GREAT until it didn't and then the fan would blow, but no cool air. I had arranged for my friend Tom to pick me up at the auto shop in his van (it is GOOD to have a friend with a van!) and take me to the local Lowes store to get some sheet rock. The mechanic is right next door to the daycare center where my son goes so I figured I could take him, drop off the car and (with my friend's help) get around to finishing a project I'd started a long time ago. Great plan all the way around.
I forgot I was supposed to be at the lab to have some blood drawn at 8:15 today.
So OK. I call my friend and tell him of the change of plan and that's fine. He'll get there as soon as he can. OK. So I call the lab and let them know I'm probably going to be late and they are cool with that.

I should probably add here that I am almost obsessive about being late. Can't stand it. Drives me nuts (short trip, too).

I get my son to Baby School and go to drop off the car. Dropped it off at about 7:45. My friend Tom came to get me, but didn't get there until about 8:15, which was when I was due at the lab office. I was late but that was alright (except in my own mind, where it wasn't).
I get in there, check in and sit down to wait. I figure that since I'm late, I'll probably be waiting a good long while. Well, surprise! I actually don't have to wait more than 2 minutes. Cool, I think, this is going to go great! They take me and two older women and one woman about my age back there and sit each of us in one of seven chairs with the swinging wings on them. They get us prepped and set to go. Great!
My phlebotomist (nice lady, late fifties, probably somebody's grandma) starts digging around in my left arm with the needle looking for a vein. I do mean digging. I thought I was there to have blood drawn, not have a liposuction treatment. Have you seen those PBS or medical channel TV shows where they show you how liposuction is done? It's freekin' horrible to watch but like a car wreck in progress, you can't look away. They basically run a Roto-Rooter looking vacuum hose around under the skin sucking up fat. That's what this little needle dancing around under my skin reminds me of.
Grandma keeps digging.
The woman is nothing if not persistent.
Finally, she hit something that hurt (a lot- I yelped, despite the presence of all the older and middle-aged women in the room. Screw macho, it hurt!) and she quit on that arm and moved to my right arm, where things are slow, but there's no further problems. Meanwhile, she is telling me that I should have drunk lots of water before coming, then I wouldn't have had a problem. Like I freekin' knew that. Like it was my fault somehow, that she can't find the worm with the hook. Hell, if I had known that I would have drunk a river to have avoided that little operation. Still makes me uneasy in my guts. Most men reading this know what I mean about having a queasy feeling just aft of the family jewels. That's the feeling I'm having still.
She did have the grace to apologize for hurting me whilst telling me that I should have drunk more water.
She's done and I'm outta there.
So I get home, starving (nothing to eat since 7:00 pm yesterday) and sleepy because I woke up around 4:00 this morning (see above), unable to sleep for obsessing about the getting-the-boy-to-school (remember his swimsuit! Don't forget this swimsuit!), getting-Tom-to-get-me, getting-to-the-lab-on time deal.
Ludicrous. But unavoidable.
I eat some breakfast and watch some TV. So I didn't get a walk in, but I've washed some more clothes. My project continues to await completion.

And now I've finished the blog for today.

A final note:
The shop called while I'm writing this. In order to determine the problem with the air conditioner, the AC system has to be converted over from freon to some other more environmentally friendly (and way less effective) coolant.
Score one for the environmentalist crowd.
YES! MY SECRET IS OUT! I'VE BEEN USING FREON IN MY TOYOTA CAMRY SINCE 1987!
Mea culpa. Been using it in my '87 JEEP, too and still am. But I fear those days are numbered.
So to begin to diagnose the problem is going to cost me $120.00. Arm still hurts.
Have a great day!

Thoughts?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Quote of the day

I've noticed other folks do these little dealies from time to time, so I thought I'd don my 'go with the crowd' hat and do one myself.

"Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living"

Mother Jones

Tough lady. Admirable. Check her out.

Thoughts?

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Blaze!

I am now the proud owner of a Logitech Marble Mouse. I know: sounds like a Disney toy, but it's not! What it is, is a trackball. I've never used one before (always been a Mouse-man) and it is taking some getting used to, but I think I may become a convert.
The cursor moves over the screen with grace and speed unseen prior to installation and my wrist isn't hurting anymore (although, in fairness, it wasn't hurting too much to begin with). I'm discovering all the things I could do with the wheel mouse are still mostly do-able with the trackball, although some (Open link in new tab) take a little getting used to. With the Wheel mouse, I had only to click on the wheel to open a website in a different tab. With the Marble Mouse, I must simultaneously click the two side buttons to do the job. And there was no documentation to tell me how to do this: I discovered it on my own. I must remember to notify the Logitech tech people about this.
;-)
Another interesting experience is scrolling. With the Wheel Mouse, I could hold down the left mouse button and use the wheel for scrolling wherever I wanted on a web page. I liked that. Can't really do that with the Marble Mouse, but BUT BUT universal scroll actually works beautifully with the Marble Mouse (it did not work so well with the Wheel Mouse). It does take some getting used to. Marble Mouse also is much more quiet than Wheel Mouse was.

Also, I installed 2 more gigabytes of Random Access Memory today. That makes a total of 4 GB (all my machine will allow) and things do seem to zzzzip right along where they just moved quickly before. Honestly, I can't tell much difference, but I like to think that the machine is now well oiled indeed. I just hope Windows (XP Home) is using it all to its best advantage. Shane or Ludie, if you're reading this, maybe you could give me some idea as to how to determine if that is so.

Busy week: Also received a banjo that I won on eBay. It's beautiful and has a great tone. I used to play fairly well (I know there are some who find that statement somewhat oxymoronic and I don't care), but one fine day about 12 years ago, I loaned my banjo to a painter (house, not portrait) named Bucky.

This was not wise. No. Not at all wise.

So after a recent revival of my guitar playing skills (also dormant for a long while), I began to pine for my long lost banjo. And I got one! It's a Washburn model B9 and it sounds great! My son hates it. Too loud for him. Ah well, he will learn...

Someday I'll do a post about music and our on-again, off-again love affair and tell you about my guitar collection.

Enough miscellaneousness for now.

Pax,
Nelson

He did what?!

Patience is a relative term, especially when it comes to relatives. What works for some, may not be enough for others.

For the longest kind of time, I felt it was my duty to exhibit patience when dealing with my father. Although we began to get along better in his latter years, he always knew how to push my buttons. We clashed on a very basic level and I'm still not sure why. We had a rocky relationship from a (my) very early age which carried on into adulthood. I found the best way to deal with him was avoidance. I know that sounds horrible but it is true and it was effective. So that was the way I chose to deal with my father for most of the time. I think this may have suited him as well, although I do know he loved me, too. It's just that when we got in the same room together, more often than not, tempers would flair and we'd each get angry and... You get the idea. We lived in the same city and my out of town sister saw him probably more often than I did. Please don't miss understand: I loved my father and I still love his memory. There were many good memories I have from growing up and I'm starting to remember more of them. That's a good thing. I wish he was still here to talk things over with. I miss him terribly still: even after more than a year. I expect I will always miss him and my mother (she died in 2001).

Patience. Was it a good strategy in my Dad's case? I think so. It allowed us to be civil and share some good times in his later life.

Now I find my stores of patience drawn upon once again: with my son. He is three and will hopefully be four someday. Until you have experienced it firsthand, there is no way to describe the emotional turmoil that a three year old can generate. Suffice it to say, it's awesome at times. He can go from a perfectly affable, happy little boy to full blown temper tantrum demon (also an awesome sight at times) in the blink of an eye. Similarly, he can go back to his own sweet self almost as fast, sometimes. It is frikkin' amazing.

He's young and is still trying out emotions to see how they feel (and how they might benefit him). It's what he should be doing.

We (His Mommy and I) both dislike the whiny periods. Enough said on that.

I am keenly aware of how my relationship with my father affected me and my life. I'm in therapy once a week partly because of it. I do NOT want my relationship with my son to be the same and I'm striving to not become my own father. I'm hoping that since I'm aware of the potential, I can guide us in a different direction. Maybe our path will not be so rocky. I pray that will be so.

"I swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell.
But I'll never know by livin', only my dyin' will tell."
Blood Sweat and Tears 'And When I Die'

That opens a whole other can of worms. Maybe in a later post, someday, I'll get into that question. Not today, however.

I'll leave you with one more quotation from that song:
"And when I die, and when I'm gone
there'll be, one child born, in this world
to carry on, to carry on."

Thoughts?

Pax,
Nelson

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

123

I was involved in a chat not long ago with my blogging mentor, Ro the wise and mighty, not too long ago (this morning actually) and we were discussing the nature and qualities of LOVE.

The less romantically inclined of you may wish to turn elsewhere at this point. May I suggest a nice porno spot? Never mind, I'm sure you can find one yourself.) ;-)

We were discussing in particular the differences between love for one's mate and love for one's child. We thought at first that they were the same, then similar, then different but no less intense.

Our chat made me remember a posting over on Ro's site which I'll let you read at your leisure. It deals primarily with the love a couple feels for each other and how that love can help when times are bad. Many good points on that posting and I hope you'll read it.

I just went in to check on my son; he's asleep and peaceful. I do this nearly every night and I couldn't sleep well without it, I think.

He's gotten so he doesn't much care for his night lights anymore and has even unplugged one of them. He has moved a no-longer-needed changing table sort of in front of the remaining night light, so that there is only a faint blue glow in his room. I stand there, my son coming into focus from out of the darkness. As he takes shape and solidity back from the night, I am nearly overcome, as I am almost every night, with love for him. My heart aches and tears swell in my eyes: I love him so very much.

My boy. My son. All grown up at age three. I want so much for him and I know I'll never be more than adequate to meet his needs and sometimes not even that. There may be hard times in our future; we already have a clash of wills every once in a while (my wife says this is because we are much alike) and that is OK. That is good and as it should be.

But as I stand there in the darkness, that moment of clarity comes over me again. That perfect knowledge that this child, our child, my son, is right and true and wise and wonderful and perfect is the love I feel for him.

I have many doubts. Quite a few of them involve God and faith. When I'm there alone with my boy, my doubts are lessened and my faith is a little more sound. That's not what this post is about, but I want you to get the idea of the immensity and deep profundity; the simple, sweet purity of this particular kind of love.

I guess that's about all I have to say tonight.

Pax,
Nelson

Monday, June 18, 2007

What was that?

OK.
So my therapist has suggested to me a couple of times that it might be OK to skip a session. Should I be concerned? No. It is a good thing.

I've got the Wireless PCI adapters for my desktops. I may put one of them in tonight. I should have both completed by tomorrow night and then maybe all three machines will be able to talk to each other. My secondary desktop has been cut off from the Internet since Thursday and I think it may be lonely.

Thank-you Shane for your suggestions. I was able to get into the router, but was still unable to get to the laptop from the PC or vice versa.

I've been staying awake too late of late and I should stop it. I need to be awake during the day. Staying up all night is not conducive to that end. (Who talks like that? 'Conducive to that end' How completely pretentious.) It's not that I really don't want to go to bed. In fact, when I'm able to sleep, I really enjoy sleeping. I love sleeping next to my lovely wife and listening to the gentle rhythms of her breathing as I fall asleep. Having her there lying by my side is wonderful.

So that is not it, although I thought maybe it was for a good long while.

I think maybe it's that I want to be awake when no one else is. The feeling I get when all around me are asleep and hopefully dreaming sweet dreams is one of contentment. I'm there keeping watch in the night as my family sleeps on.

Darkness appeals to me. There is a safety and a surety and even a hint of secrecy in the darkness and solitude that is simply unavailable when the sun is shining. I may be delusional but I feel that there is a society of lonely insomniacs out there in the dark with which I feel a kinship; maybe even a bond. We're each out here in our own quiet little micro-verse, spinning silently in the dark. Aware of each other, yet unable to make contact. It's like being in a secret club where no one actually knows anyone else, but all share a common bond.

Wait that sounds like a terrorist cell. Nooo.

One true terror for me is being completely alone. More on that later.

Or maybe I just don't want to miss anything.

Thoughts?


Pax,
Nelson

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Where's my computer?

My better half decided that more space was needed for her craft-works. OK.
My (our) computers have to be moved. OK.
I moved the main one today and fortunately, I like the new location. Unfortunately, the other one won't fit in the new location. So it looks as though I've got to find a new place for the secondary PC. And I'm going to have to install wireless cards to each PC, so they can talk to each other and the laptop.

It will be good thing.

Except that wireless networking is still pretty much midnight voodoo magic to me. I have set up the wireless router for the laptop and that works great! The laptop is happily surfing the internet in all its wireless glory. Now for the interesting part. My router requires a password that, to my knowledge, it has never been assigned. I haven't a clue what it might be nor how to find it. Hell, I don't even know what the user ID is having also never assigned one to the router. But the laptop surfs.

The wired network runs through this same router. The two PC's talk together very nicely. Well, they did before I moved one of them into a new location. For the life of me, I cannot get the two PC's to talk to or recognize the laptop and vice versa. Maddening. Maybe putting all into the wireless network will allow them to speak to each other. Wish me luck.

Any thoughts you may have are welcome at this point.

Pax,
N.

p.s. Meanwhile, the fight we had last night has blown over and all is forgiven (I think, hope and pray).

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Wednesday the 13th

Lord help me, Friday the 13th has come on Wednesday!

Woke this morning and everything went right. My love was happy and our son was happy and cooperative with nary a whine.

Now, it's this evening and I've screwed the pooch pretty much completely.

That's right: had a fight with my Love.

It was a not-so-stupid fight over feelings and (my) lack of perception. I had created a painful and upsetting situation for my wife to which I was oblivious. But I'm well aware of it now. It's not something I would have done had I been aware. In addition, she feels that I have unjustly accused her of being uncaring about our son's feelings over some of his stuff.

I didn't mean to do any of that, but I can (now) see how it might well be perceived.

She's gone off to bed without me.

Yes, I've apologized most sincerely, but as far as I can tell, to no avail.

Being aware of other people's perceptions is not always an easy thing to do. You may think you know what's going on and be fairly content with your lot and be totally off base. Communication is certainly the key, but sometimes there is a breakdown in the com-lines of which no one is aware. It's important to forestall those breakdowns and it is wise to be on the alert for emotional status queues as much as possible. This is especially true for those you love and with whom you live. They will be with you always, you hope: don't take them for granted. Pay attention to them and learn to know them and love them better with every day you have.
OR
One day you may wake up one day and find you are alone.

Thoughts?

Pax,
N.

(p.s. I've got Prince's Purple Rain playing endlessly in my head tonight.)

Monday, June 11, 2007

Death Penalty

Whether you're fer it or agin it, once the topic of the Death Penalty is raised, there's pretty much always going to be a discussion.

I read an AP article online in the MSNBC News today reporting that new studies support the notion that the death penalty actually is a deterrent to would-be murderers. One of the folks who conducted the research is actually a DP opponent, but he swears the research is sound and conclusive.

Insofar as that goes, I have no argument. It says what it says. Statistics don't lie (people lie and twist them a bit on occasion, however).
What tickles me is that the moralists are confusing data with morals. Basically saying, 'This study isn't valid because we object to the findings on a moral basis.'

Hooey, says I.

I think that if the numbers say that the DP is a valid deterrent, perhaps it is time to revisit it as a more prevalent form of punishment.

I'm pretty damn sure that the Death Penalty is a deterrent for convicted murderers.

What do you think?