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I was involved in a chat not long ago with my blogging mentor, Ro the wise and mighty, not too long ago (this morning actually) and we were discussing the nature and qualities of LOVE.

The less romantically inclined of you may wish to turn elsewhere at this point. May I suggest a nice porno spot? Never mind, I'm sure you can find one yourself.) ;-)

We were discussing in particular the differences between love for one's mate and love for one's child. We thought at first that they were the same, then similar, then different but no less intense.

Our chat made me remember a posting over on Ro's site which I'll let you read at your leisure. It deals primarily with the love a couple feels for each other and how that love can help when times are bad. Many good points on that posting and I hope you'll read it.

I just went in to check on my son; he's asleep and peaceful. I do this nearly every night and I couldn't sleep well without it, I think.

He's gotten so he doesn't much care for his night lights anymore and has even unplugged one of them. He has moved a no-longer-needed changing table sort of in front of the remaining night light, so that there is only a faint blue glow in his room. I stand there, my son coming into focus from out of the darkness. As he takes shape and solidity back from the night, I am nearly overcome, as I am almost every night, with love for him. My heart aches and tears swell in my eyes: I love him so very much.

My boy. My son. All grown up at age three. I want so much for him and I know I'll never be more than adequate to meet his needs and sometimes not even that. There may be hard times in our future; we already have a clash of wills every once in a while (my wife says this is because we are much alike) and that is OK. That is good and as it should be.

But as I stand there in the darkness, that moment of clarity comes over me again. That perfect knowledge that this child, our child, my son, is right and true and wise and wonderful and perfect is the love I feel for him.

I have many doubts. Quite a few of them involve God and faith. When I'm there alone with my boy, my doubts are lessened and my faith is a little more sound. That's not what this post is about, but I want you to get the idea of the immensity and deep profundity; the simple, sweet purity of this particular kind of love.

I guess that's about all I have to say tonight.

Pax,
Nelson

What was that?

OK.
So my therapist has suggested to me a couple of times that it might be OK to skip a session. Should I be concerned? No. It is a good thing.

I've got the Wireless PCI adapters for my desktops. I may put one of them in tonight. I should have both completed by tomorrow night and then maybe all three machines will be able to talk to each other. My secondary desktop has been cut off from the Internet since Thursday and I think it may be lonely.

Thank-you Shane for your suggestions. I was able to get into the router, but was still unable to get to the laptop from the PC or vice versa.

I've been staying awake too late of late and I should stop it. I need to be awake during the day. Staying up all night is not conducive to that end. (Who talks like that? 'Conducive to that end' How completely pretentious.) It's not that I really don't want to go to bed. In fact, when I'm able to sleep, I really enjoy sleeping. I love sleeping next to my lovely wife and listening to the gentle rhythms of her breathing as I fall asleep. Having her there lying by my side is wonderful.

So that is not it, although I thought maybe it was for a good long while.

I think maybe it's that I want to be awake when no one else is. The feeling I get when all around me are asleep and hopefully dreaming sweet dreams is one of contentment. I'm there keeping watch in the night as my family sleeps on.

Darkness appeals to me. There is a safety and a surety and even a hint of secrecy in the darkness and solitude that is simply unavailable when the sun is shining. I may be delusional but I feel that there is a society of lonely insomniacs out there in the dark with which I feel a kinship; maybe even a bond. We're each out here in our own quiet little micro-verse, spinning silently in the dark. Aware of each other, yet unable to make contact. It's like being in a secret club where no one actually knows anyone else, but all share a common bond.

Wait that sounds like a terrorist cell. Nooo.

One true terror for me is being completely alone. More on that later.

Or maybe I just don't want to miss anything.

Thoughts?


Pax,
Nelson

Where's my computer?

My better half decided that more space was needed for her craft-works. OK.
My (our) computers have to be moved. OK.
I moved the main one today and fortunately, I like the new location. Unfortunately, the other one won't fit in the new location. So it looks as though I've got to find a new place for the secondary PC. And I'm going to have to install wireless cards to each PC, so they can talk to each other and the laptop.

It will be good thing.

Except that wireless networking is still pretty much midnight voodoo magic to me. I have set up the wireless router for the laptop and that works great! The laptop is happily surfing the internet in all its wireless glory. Now for the interesting part. My router requires a password that, to my knowledge, it has never been assigned. I haven't a clue what it might be nor how to find it. Hell, I don't even know what the user ID is having also never assigned one to the router. But the laptop surfs.

The wired network runs through this same router. The two PC's talk together very nicely. Well, they did before I moved one of them into a new location. For the life of me, I cannot get the two PC's to talk to or recognize the laptop and vice versa. Maddening. Maybe putting all into the wireless network will allow them to speak to each other. Wish me luck.

Any thoughts you may have are welcome at this point.

Pax,
N.

p.s. Meanwhile, the fight we had last night has blown over and all is forgiven (I think, hope and pray).

Wednesday the 13th

Lord help me, Friday the 13th has come on Wednesday!

Woke this morning and everything went right. My love was happy and our son was happy and cooperative with nary a whine.

Now, it's this evening and I've screwed the pooch pretty much completely.

That's right: had a fight with my Love.

It was a not-so-stupid fight over feelings and (my) lack of perception. I had created a painful and upsetting situation for my wife to which I was oblivious. But I'm well aware of it now. It's not something I would have done had I been aware. In addition, she feels that I have unjustly accused her of being uncaring about our son's feelings over some of his stuff.

I didn't mean to do any of that, but I can (now) see how it might well be perceived.

She's gone off to bed without me.

Yes, I've apologized most sincerely, but as far as I can tell, to no avail.

Being aware of other people's perceptions is not always an easy thing to do. You may think you know what's going on and be fairly content with your lot and be totally off base. Communication is certainly the key, but sometimes there is a breakdown in the com-lines of which no one is aware. It's important to forestall those breakdowns and it is wise to be on the alert for emotional status queues as much as possible. This is especially true for those you love and with whom you live. They will be with you always, you hope: don't take them for granted. Pay attention to them and learn to know them and love them better with every day you have.
OR
One day you may wake up one day and find you are alone.

Thoughts?

Pax,
N.

(p.s. I've got Prince's Purple Rain playing endlessly in my head tonight.)

Death Penalty

Whether you're fer it or agin it, once the topic of the Death Penalty is raised, there's pretty much always going to be a discussion.

I read an AP article online in the MSNBC News today reporting that new studies support the notion that the death penalty actually is a deterrent to would-be murderers. One of the folks who conducted the research is actually a DP opponent, but he swears the research is sound and conclusive.

Insofar as that goes, I have no argument. It says what it says. Statistics don't lie (people lie and twist them a bit on occasion, however).
What tickles me is that the moralists are confusing data with morals. Basically saying, 'This study isn't valid because we object to the findings on a moral basis.'

Hooey, says I.

I think that if the numbers say that the DP is a valid deterrent, perhaps it is time to revisit it as a more prevalent form of punishment.

I'm pretty damn sure that the Death Penalty is a deterrent for convicted murderers.

What do you think?