A fickle mistress

I wanted to get this down before I forget it again.

Depression is a fickle mistress. Those of us in her thrall are well aware of this. One minute (or day or week or...) we're really down and there's no point in trying to do anything more than breathe and the next (with proper medication and the grace of God) we're able to maintain our emotional lives at a fairly decent level. When the fairly decent level times out number the down times, that is counted as a good thing and the medications are doing their jobs and God is in his heaven and all is right with the world. Even with the medication, there are still downs and we know that, but they are not so bad as they would be without the medications. Those leveled out times are what we strive for in the the world of chronic depression and believe me, they are well worth the effort.

Something happened to me yesterday. I was totally unprepared for it and it surprised me so much I didn't quite know how to deal with it. I felt good. Really good. I was even, dare I say, HAPPY for a while! It had been so long since I felt that way, I really was unprepared for it. I must say, I enjoyed it immensely. It wasn't a feeling of euphoria or super good mood or manic upswing or anything like that. It was simply a period of happiness that went on for several hours.

It did not last, but that is alright. I'm glad to have experienced the time. I can hope it may happen again and that will help keep me going, even through the bad times.

Somewhere there is still a bit of light.

Thoughts?


Pax,
Nelson